Wednesday, December 12, 2007
i said i would elaborate.. bout the church thing..
wont u just pause and look around u? look at the ppl with super rich parents. the knowledgeable ones. and then at me/mine. the contrast u may/may not see.. but i saw.
& of cos, in a chuch context, everyone will say it's equal. but is it really?
one will nvr noe how it's like until one experience it. when my fam just join church few years back.. it feels so shitty. do u noe? it's like it's a torture to be in church. it feels as if i was in a foreign land.. .. no friends, no nothing. u see the members and the rich kids huddled together in one corner, with the pastor there. even when they emphasis time n again tt the church is like a family. but i just dun understand how.. it feels as if im stranded on a one-man island.. the pastorate and deconates are like oh-so-sacred. aww man. i hate it.
how i wish i have parents of a certain status.. rich or wadeva.. but of cos.. those who have it may not say it's nice. the expectations tt follow and stuff for the oh-so-high ppl.. but i nvr had the luxury of it. the inferior feeling i have when hanging out w u ppl. guess u will nvr feel it.
rmb when i was younger.. in the church.. -- there's always a christmas play thingy after the church camp. n supposedly, they are practicing their ass off during the camp. so, a bastard-in-christ organised tt thingy n called everyone cept me n gor gor. nvm. i dun care. but do u noe wat they said tt made me furious? even a 9 yea old child could understand tt simple few words. the meaning behind those words. he/she said-- BECOS SHE NVR GO CHURCH CAMP. SO NOT ALLOWED TO PARTICIPATE. WTF. nvr go church camp my fault arh? n tt rich man's daughter/son didnt went too. n he/she can participate. wat rubbish!!
wat impression do u think has been made of the church in a 9 year old's heart?
& so many other things..
YF gatherings n stuff.. the fist time i went when i just joined YF. i feel so damned out of place la. like a lone ranger did u noe? everybody like so together lidat. then this miss NOBODY came n intrude their peace. WTH.
& nobody told me anything.
& i cant stand it la. WTH. wat's wrong with u? like u did nothing wrong lidat. the incident is still fresh la. rich so wat? u made spoil my THING
S and u didnt even apologise. not once. and u still have the cheek to say wat? aiyo. why ur stuff so no brand one. WTH. my phone oso. u say wat.. aiyo.. so lan one arh? lidat spoil liao. WTF la. say sorry la. didnt even say. n u wat.. acted like nothing happen. somemore so 理直气壮。wat's this man. even a commoner like me noes how to say sorry when i realise im at fault. n u are supposed to be of a higher class. or maybe.. u think u did nothing wrong.
U ARE SUPERIOR. I AM INFERIOR. HAPPY?
ok. let's see. i quarrel with my parents bout wat? money. n tt's like the first n last thing me n gor will ever argue with our parents about. there is sufficient money, we hardly argue.. den u came n say wat nvr had issues with money.. of cos la. WAT U HAVE IS MONEY. of cos wont have. u ask wat, u have/given. this is like oh-so-
craplobster la.
use ur brains n think. wont u?not all.. but most. but of cos, this is my point of view. i dun feel at home. i dun feel good. i feel isolated, left out, criticised, inferior, neglected & BLAH BLAH BLAH. it's just lidat. always liat.
but at least.
IT'S SO MUCH BETTER NOW..
