th IMPERFECT girl that is STRUGGLING so hard to meet th EXPECTATIONS of this CRUEL WORLD with nothing but a PAPERHEART on her that is TORN and WEATHERED by HARSH CIRCUMSTANCES.

IWILLOVEUU~

`Alvin .
`Angela .
`Benson .
`Boonsiong .
`Brenda .
`Cheryl .
`Claudia .
`Charissa .
`Chingyee .
`Cindy.
`Clara .
`Dawn .
`Darren .
`Doris .
`Doris(c) .
`Edmund .
`Edmund .
`Freida .
`Gabbie .
`Germaine .
`Guinevere .
`Heanghee .
`Huanghao .
`Hweehien .
`Huini .
`Iris .
`Jermine .
`Jiahe .
`Jolinne .
`Junboon .
`Katherine .
`KokKeong .
`Kokleong .
`Kpoqueens .
`Leecheng .
`Lianxin .
`Meiling .
`Natalie .
`Peiying .
`Rouyi .
`Ruiyang .
`Sawyi .
`Sebastian .
`Sheryl .
`Siying .
`Tammie .
`Tiffany .
`Trina .
`Trombonesect .
`Vannie .
`Vennesa .
`Weijie .
`Weikiat .
`Weilin .
`Xinmin
`Xinting
`Xunyan .
`Yifan .
`Yiliang .
`Yongming .
`Yongxiang .

June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 August 2008 October 2008

images: lyraisme
designer: lyraisme
resources: I II

Wednesday CT start again. may the force be with me. man.. got plenty of lectures from ppl of higher authority recently. i got two today. one from my EX EX SL, another from chinese teacher. grrrr.. own them an apology. wonder when i'll say it to them.

sorry? a difficult choice.

decided to sms them. yeap. then wont be so awkward. sorry. will pay more attention n work harder in band/ higher mother tongue lessons. noe im lacking behind expectations becos of my own attitude. so ya, sorry. yeap. tt's wat i'll say. tmr surely kana scolded again by chinese teacher de. sian diao. i will work harder(i hope so too) and prove to u.

action speaks louder than words.

bible study tmr. should i go? i dunno. but i will definitely be present and then later get scolded by my mom.

thoughts? hopes are dashed.

sunday. a day to go to church and praise god. but i didnt feel like waking up today. didnt feel like gg to church. i just want to laze around. not in the mood. but i went eventually and i managed to waste my time through the service. wasnt paying attention. i noe it myself. feel so guilty la. but not putting in any effort to change. oh well.. i dun noe y.. but now i think tt bible study is also very.. i used to make an effort to go down for the bible studies. i still go now. but then.. the feeling n motive feels different. i go for yf now also. but im always late. oso cannot blame me mah. i have class before tt. but i realised tt the more i go, the more sian i become. i seem to pull away from himl; n the right things in life.

is this the right attitude?

yeap. she can scold the F word when she wants to. but i cant. im trying nmy best to curb my vulglarities. but u dun seem to be helping me. u onli noe how to scold n discourage. not encourage. the problems between us is coming back again. or i should say tt i realised tt it has never been away. it has always been there just tt it's concealed at times. with him.. it's worse. just worse. n i dunno how to put it. stop stressing me with work. everything u all dun want to do. LEADER so wat?

im mean.

he like someone. he said he love her. i dun noe wat im thinking now. he said he love her. he love her? ya. tt's what he said. i dun like him le. i will cease to like any guys. i think he hate me la. haix. i find tt he hates me. got the feeling. haix. i wonder why i care so much bout whether he likes me or not. but i really dun want him to hate me. cos i like him. but i shall stopn myself. it's not nicw to like a guy tt likes another girl. but i really like him. since sec1. the first time i see him, i like him. but then.. now i found out tt he like someone else. so foreget it. i shall curb my own feelings and not go out with him anymore.

i really like u. T.T

sorry. i feel so bad. but i dun noe why im making decisions like this. this national day break. four days. i didnt study at all. haix. hate myself for tt. this week exam le. i still treat it like nothing lidat. i dun feel anxious bout my studies at all now. i tried to study but then.. i failed. haix. good results? i think they'll say goodbye to me this term or even next. and ben still said "natalie zhui wo zhe yang jiu zhong yu zhui dao di yi ming liao." i noe for sure he'll work harder to beat me. but im not putting in effort. someone. wake me up from my dream n fantasy. im longwinded.

fever, flu, cough. using this as an excuse not to do work. my grades r dropping like nobody's business. the A1s are becoming Bs or even Cs. the two Bs are becoming Cs or worse still, fail. i was never like this. i cant bear to see my grades continue to drop. i really cant catch up with the hectic schedule. never-ending. i dunno wat to say about myself. pride comes before a fall. i was so happy with my MYEs. first. the glory and honour, striving for my ultimate goal. but now, all the passion is gone. nothing. just an empty shell. someone who feels and have no choice but to admit tt yes, sometimes, i do act like a gangster. my blood is boiling. i shout at them. there is no respect in my dictionary. quarrels after quarrels. tell me. how am i supposed to manage my relationships, studies, feelings and everything at one go? im close to bursting. stress. but who noes it? people around me says u no need to study oso A one la. like real. A. cant even bear to think of the result. thinking of how much effort i have put in. but im wrecking it myself now. i seriously dun understand. ive split myself into too many diff parts.

going mental. IMH.

common test is just 2 weeks away. i dun feel like studying at all. Eng and HMT paper have past. i felt no confidence in scoring. i was not prepared. and now.. the rest. maths class test. think i'll fail. used wrong formular. 8 marks gone. over 20. am i lucky enough to be correct in the rest of the questions? i hate to think. Science Class test. dunno wat to say. lucky class test dun need sign. am i able to score? i dunno. i feel a sudden surge of just not doing anything. just heck care bout EVERYTHING> but i noe i cant. cos of my pride. i want to be the first in the overall exam. but im refusing to work hard. im taking tt it's a must tt i will score well. im crazy. i noe.

jiayou-is it STILL in my dictionary?