th IMPERFECT girl that is STRUGGLING so hard to meet th EXPECTATIONS of this CRUEL WORLD with nothing but a PAPERHEART on her that is TORN and WEATHERED by HARSH CIRCUMSTANCES.

IWILLOVEUU~

`Alvin .
`Angela .
`Benson .
`Boonsiong .
`Brenda .
`Cheryl .
`Claudia .
`Charissa .
`Chingyee .
`Cindy.
`Clara .
`Dawn .
`Darren .
`Doris .
`Doris(c) .
`Edmund .
`Edmund .
`Freida .
`Gabbie .
`Germaine .
`Guinevere .
`Heanghee .
`Huanghao .
`Hweehien .
`Huini .
`Iris .
`Jermine .
`Jiahe .
`Jolinne .
`Junboon .
`Katherine .
`KokKeong .
`Kokleong .
`Kpoqueens .
`Leecheng .
`Lianxin .
`Meiling .
`Natalie .
`Peiying .
`Rouyi .
`Ruiyang .
`Sawyi .
`Sebastian .
`Sheryl .
`Siying .
`Tammie .
`Tiffany .
`Trina .
`Trombonesect .
`Vannie .
`Vennesa .
`Weijie .
`Weikiat .
`Weilin .
`Xinmin
`Xinting
`Xunyan .
`Yifan .
`Yiliang .
`Yongming .
`Yongxiang .

June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 August 2008 October 2008

images: lyraisme
designer: lyraisme
resources: I II

seriously dunno wat to think, wat to say and wat to do.

just drop it, wont u?? im TIRED.

we are all tired. or are u still energetic? i cant take it anymore le la. tell me. wat a home is? to me, bukit batok street 25, block 289F, 09-136 is just a place for sleeping. nothing much. no love, no nothing. it vacant n empty. just a place for lodging, n quarrels with the landlords.

i feel like SAI. literally like a pile of shit, stinking, worthless, forsaken, isolated, left out, thorn in the flesh,... and the list goes on and on.

I FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING BUT GOOD.

n in case u noe not, I HATE U, CHIA HUANG HAO. for the misery u have caused me. and for EVERYTHING. PLS, stop ur irritating NONSENCE,

though i noe i may be no better in the eyes of SOME ppl. ppl like u.

GET WELL SOON.

gg to church camp. n im rather sure i'll regret it..

The lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my god, my strength in whom i trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. psalms 18:2

my heart n my flesh faileth: but god is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever. psalm 73:26

im suffering, i feel torturous, im about to go crazy. literally. i seem to lose control of myself frequently. i cant help it. when im at the downs.. (which is like almost everyday) i just sit on my bed n the tears will just start flowing. until i start screaming n thrashing about.. until my throat hurts n i got blue blacks. n i start shaking uncontrollably, my mind is at a blank, and almost everytime, i attempt to hurt myself, as if it'll lessen the intensity of the pain burning inside. n i succeed. with cuts n puncture marks at my fingers (mostly) and wrist, it's a surprise nobody notices. n if u ask me why did i do tt, i cannot answer u. as i really dunno. i feel horrible, as if there's a demon inside me. i hate myself, for the foolish things i do. but, i cant help it.
THIS IS TRUE. I DIDNT LIE, NOR DID I EXAGGERATE. SO, PLS READ.

i realise tt i should keep sharp objects(penknife n stuff) in my room.

LORD, make me a great ACTOR.. let me hide my HORRIBLE self.

i DONT feel tt the CHURCH (as a whole) is like a FAMILY..

soon. i'll elaborate. elaborate on why i think the church dun feel like a family.

累垮了。自己的要求是否太高了呢？我不知。

我何时才能好好休息呢？

i spent hours lying on the bed, exhausted both mentally n physically. however, after bout 2 hours plus, im still awake. n tt's like 2am plus.. n theres band tmr. how am i supposed to stay awake tmr in sch then? a full day's practice..

this current blogskin seriously freaks me out but i like it. however, im gonna change it. cos it's too emo. isnt it?

trying so hard to be me. but i cant. i find it weird to see smiling faces on my work, encouraging msgs from me. i find it weird. so weird. n i realise tt im forcing myself to do it at times, just to get the group n everyone else enthu. but wat can i do? im the leader.

set the example, follow. how inperfect can a human be? look at me. im the perfect example.

let my LORD lead the way. i'll win the race, just by following him closely, list'ning intently. but.. can i do tt? is it tt hard?

要为所做的，所说的负责。

PLS DONT LEAVE. AT LEAST NOT NOW. I SENSED THE HINT. I AM NOT STRONG. NEITHER IS MY FOUNDATION. N EVERYTHING JUST WONT BE THE SAME WITHOUT A SIS LIKE U. BUT OF COS, THIS IS NOT IN MY COMMANDS. I HAVE NO SAY IN UR LIFE.

WHY HAVE U STOPPED TOKING TO ME?

I DUNNO Y. BUT COM CRAZY. ONLY CAN TYPE IN CAPS.

shouldnt have started shooting my mouth off before thinking.. maybe one may misunderstand wat i mean.. but tt isin really wat i meant. the way u understand n see it is diff as mine. would everything feel the same? i feel like running away. the right attitude. wat's tt? teach it to me.

they always seem so mighty n so high up. so superior. do i really care tt much? i guess i really do.

i must think twice before i sent a msg the next time. feel like she's offended lidat.. ur cousin. may be calm on the surface. but who noes.. deep within, a storm is brewing. i'll feel super awkward when i next sees her.

did i made the right choice? of telling u this address? things seem weird. till now, no one noes. no one except u. part of me thinks it's alright, part of me thinks it's... who noes.. maybe u are not even reading this..

i feel hurt. beyond expression.


think im like tt.

为何人总是如此贪心？不够好吗？还索沃退步了。。 我。。 真的尽力了。也挺满意的。要感恩。谢谢主耶稣。想想看，其实，也不会说很好阿。