Friday, November 23, 2007
im suffering, i feel torturous, im about to go crazy. literally. i seem to lose control of myself frequently. i cant help it. when im at the downs.. (which is like almost everyday) i just sit on my bed n the tears will just start flowing. until i start screaming n thrashing about.. until my throat hurts n i got blue blacks. n i start shaking uncontrollably, my mind is at a blank, and almost everytime, i attempt to hurt myself, as if it'll lessen the intensity of the pain burning inside. n i succeed. with cuts n puncture marks at my fingers (mostly) and wrist, it's a surprise nobody notices. n if u ask me why did i do tt, i cannot answer u. as i really dunno. i feel horrible, as if there's a demon inside me. i hate myself, for the foolish things i do. but, i cant help it.
THIS IS TRUE. I DIDNT LIE, NOR DID I EXAGGERATE. SO, PLS READ.i realise tt i should keep sharp objects(penknife n stuff) in my room.
LORD, make me a great ACTOR.. let me hide my HORRIBLE self.
i DONT feel tt the CHURCH (as a whole) is like a FAMILY..
soon. i'll elaborate. elaborate on why i think the church dun feel like a family.
